"I'm thinking maybe, I can't have relationships.
'Cause lately, they're not making any sense.
And baby, you're the one thing on my mind but that can change anytime"

--Double Vision By. 3OH!3 

I mean if I wrote the song it'd probably say that "you're the one thing on my mind that I can't change any time", but this song is good. I really feel like it's a good mentality for me to have right now. Being nonchalant about the situation is like the only way I can keep my self from going insane.

So, about the whore lol. I saw [his] girlfriend flirting with another guy today, and it happens ALL THE TIME! It freakin' annoys me on two levels. Okay, yeah I like him but second, that's my friend dude. That boy's my home dawg, we're tight and I have to see his girl hoeing around! He was defiantly warned by a couple of people that she's a skank. So what can I do?

Sometimes I wonder if this dude is worth it, so right now it's like whatever! Life's a party, and I'm not gonna be a wallflower! Yeah, I actually think I love this dude, but I'm not waiting around for anyone. Whatever happens, happens. He is freakin' awesome. He's funny, sweet, unique...& hot :)

We're gonna stay up,
Ain't gonna lay low, 
We're gonna dance all night because we say so.

I'm just trying to keep my head clear. I feel like me and this dude have like everything in common, but If he can't see that, then it's his loss. I think that maybe this will all work in the end. Yeah, it's a Taylor Swift song (From HELL). I'm not sayin' I won't fight for him, but whatever I've been down this road with D, and I am NOT doing it again.

I am uncertain where the future is going to take me, and it's freaking me out. I like him, and I don't know when I'm gonna see him, if he likes me, or what he thinks about me. Lately, I've just been in a major need to party. I even dreamt about partying. Today I just need to get out of this house. I need concerts, mall trips, and county fairs. I am going crazy and I just need a little freaking fun!!! I am going to explode if I don't get out soon! I need to get out of this house!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I've got plans Thursday, but that is toooooo long to wait. I need some quality party time.

Lately I've been feeling down, Y'know, just feeling bad. I like him, and I think he might like me, but how am I gonna see him? How am I gonna talk to him again after what happened? I get intimidated so easily, and honestly I am so intimidated by him and all his friends. When he's at a show, it's much easier to say hey. I just get worried sometimes. I worry about a lot of things. I worry that he wouldn't want to hang with me, even as friends, because I'm younger. I worry about this even now, after he seemed to like me. I worry that his friends don't like me, and that they tell him bad things about me. I guess I fear that I won't be accepted. It's silly, really. I worry that maybe I misread the look in his eye, and that he doesn't actually want to talk to me. Lately, I have been freaking out. I'm stressing lately, and I'm not sure why. I even worry that I won't see him soon. I worry that he'll see me and not even care. I worry that it will be awkward. I worry that I might like him too much. I worry that I won't have a future with him. I worry that he'll like someone else. I worry that he's too good for me, too old for me, too popular for me.

Hmmm...

It seems that my feelings for him are freaking awesome.
I've been out of my mind for a while and wouldn't want it any other way.
I think this is really what summer 2009 is about. It wasn't about getting over Dustin, or about going to the mall or hanging out and watching movies. It's about this moment right now. It's about this feeling right now. I'm ready for the future. I'm ready for change.  My feelings for him are feelings I've never felt before. I feel like every thing is gonna be alright. I don't know why I feel this way about him. I try not to give these feelings a name. I like him a lot, and feel like a little kid. I wish he'd give me a chance. Cause I really feel like we could laugh together, and enjoy each other's company. That nighte really seemed like he felt the same. I hope I see him soon. He is beautiful, and if I have no real future with him, I'll move on, but I'm not giving up just yet.

Change
By. T Pain